Post by Gregg Braden.
I found this on Facebook over a week ago now and
it got me thinking.
I did lots of good things when I was growing up -
an achiever in lots of little ways and in a couple of big chunky areas of life
too. Lots to be proud of and enjoy. But I really don't remember feeling any great
sense of happiness and contentment. My cello teacher used to talk about the
idea of expectation vs attainment, the idea that no matter how hard you
practised and improved, your perception of perfection or the expectations you
held over yourself would always grow too. You would never catch up or feel
satisfied with your performance.
I think this idea is ultimately very damaging if
you aren't actively training yourself to accept a sense of reward or
achievement too.
I grew up wanting to be a world famous musician
in a very select and specialist field within the Classical world. The reality of that lifestyle was
absolutely not what would have suited me, but then even if I had been good enough (and I simply wasn't) I
would never have realised it anyway! I would always have wanted to be more or better
or somewhere else.
Striving to be extraordinary meant that I never
learnt the importance of contentment and my self-confidence suffered
as a result. I wound myself up with so much judgement and expectation that it
wasn't about ambition it was about trying to keep my head above that all
pervasive sense of failure.
This morning on the radio I heard someone quote
someone else...you know the way it goes....but as I recall the person had
something to do with Andre Agassi, who during a particularly tough time in his
life and during a low patch in his tennis career was told "Your best is good
enough".....
Permission to feel proud of yourself and the fact
that you have tried your best is very calming and strengthening. It gives you a
secure mental foundation to accept bigger challenges or difficulties in life. It’s just
good all round to feed yourself with good thoughts and kindness - it is
something we tell ourselves to do for others so why shouldn't we do it
for our own selves too.
I am getting into a little reading about
mindfulness and I am enjoying reading people's facebook posts about the things
that make them grateful. I am trying to unwind my stressful make up and take more pleasure in the simple things. Having a young family certainly helps and I hope that I can re-train myself to be able
to teach my own children the difference between striving to be the best
and striving to be the best you can be.
